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The word soul mate implies that somewhere on the planet there is only one perfect true love for each of us. Therefore, any relationship problems you have had are simply a function of not finding this elusive person. This soul mate idea is fueled by Hollywood love stories and even by religious teaching. Although this notion is appealing and may work for some, closer examination reveals this concept to be more fantasy then reality. In fact, this romantic notion may be more than childish. It can be frustrating and even dangerous to us emotionally, mentally and spiritually as we search endlessly for this soul mate person. In addition, many have married their match made in heaven only to learn they soon needed an escape. We believe soul mates are imaginary. Cinderella or Prince Charming play well in fairy tales but have little to do with searching for lasting love. Dr Neil Clark Warren, the founder of E-harmony believes that "soul mates are made, not born." He believes that each single person has perhaps as many as 500 people in their age group that would match them in at least 26 out of 29 core values. He believes compatibility gives a couple far more chance for longevity then does chemistry. Singles Insight concurs that Dr. Warren's research makes sense. If every bad relationship is just a function of being married to the wrong person, then we can feel excused from dealing with our culpability. Since every relationship involves two people, we have a role in the good ones and the bad. Lessons learned from failed relationships should prevent us from future mistakes if honest examination is done. Sadly, surveys of hundreds of singles reveal an amazing fact. Singles don't really know what they are looking for in their next relationship. They simply assume it will be much better with someone else. They also assume that information from the past is irrelevant in their new setting. Surveys showed that most singles have no specific qualifications for a new soul mate other than physical attraction. Granted, this is an important ingredient in a romantic relationship, but any rational adult will tell you it's not enough. Decisions that can have major life impact, such as a potential marriage partner, should never be left to such a shallow and random process. We have heard numerous intelligent, educated singles explain how they got involved with another wrong person simply because needed a date. They bought the lie that "availability" means "mateability". Of course, availability really proves nothing about anybody. Yet, singles seem able to ignore red flags until they are hurt again. Singles Insight is here to help you heal from the wounds of your past and to gather wisdom for the future. We believe devoting time and prayer to uncover what you are want before your next relationship will prevent you from making an emotional mistake. Dr Daniel Goleman in his book "Emotional Intelligence" discusses how powerful emotions and how vulnerable all of us are to make decisions emotionally. Dr Goleman's research came up with the ratio of 24:1 to compare the power of the emotional brain over the rational brain. This ratio was even true for men who are supposed to be more rational then women. Singles Insight wants you to understand this powerful truth about your emotions in love and to anticipate them. No wonder people say "Love is blind" and "We're stupid for Love." We are suggesting that creating a list of what you want and don't want ahead of time will raise your standards, expand your possibilities and give you the wisdom needed to love again. Proverbs 4:6 Proverbs 24:3-5 |